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What do you get if you cross an angry sheep with a cross cow?

An animal that is in a baa-d moo-d!

Sam F, Godalming


What do you get if you cross a cow and a duck?

Cream quackers

What do you get if you cross a sheepdog and and daisy?

A collie-flower

Why do bees have sticky hair?

Because they use honey combs

The other day, a man walked into a pub with his pet giraffe.

He left the giraffe at a table and went to the bar to get some drinks.

But the barman saw the giraffe and said: "Oi! We can't have this lyin' here!"

But the man replied: "It's not a lion, it's a giraffe!"

Emily, Elstead

Why can't leopard play hide and seek?

Because it's always spotted

Why are horses good at cleaning?

Because they can hoof-er

Maya, Warfield

What do you call a fly with no wings?

A walk

What do you call a camel with three humps?


Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles. For days he kept leaving little messages around the house.

What do you get if you cross a centipede and a parrot?

A walkie-talkie

Is the squirt from an elephants trunk powerful?

Of course, a jumbo jet can keep 500 people in the air for hours

Which pet is the loudest?

A trumpet

What animal can jump higher than a building?

Any animal, buildings can't jump

What's the difference between an oak tree and a tight shoe?

One makes acorns, the other makes corns ache

What do you call a puma using a photocopier?

A copycat

Did you hear about the leopard that had a bath every night?

It was spotless

What do you get if you cross a dog with a TV aerial?

A golden receiver

Why couldn't the pony sing himself a lullaby?

He was a little hoarse.

Why does a flamingo only lift up one leg?

Because if it lifted up both legs it would fall over!

Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?

Because they might peel

Where do cows go for entertainment?

The moo-seum or the moo-vies

What do you get if you lie under a cow?

A pat on the head

What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator

What kind of tree fits in your hand?

A palm tree

What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bull dozer

Why are elephants so wrinkly?

Because they take too long to iron

What sound do hedgehogs make when they hug?


What kind of haircut do bees get?

Buzz cuts

What do you call a dog that can tell time?

A watch dog

How do orangutans go downstairs?

They slide down the banana-sters

What do you call an ape that works in a call centre?

A who-rang-utan

What's an apes favourite month?


What do you get if you cross a parrot with a great white shark?

An animal talks your head off

What do you get if you cross a giraffe with a hedgehog?

An 5 metre tall toothbrush

What do you get if you cross a kangaroo and a sheep?

A wooly jumper

What  did one wolf say to the other?

Howls it going?

What do you call a dog that's having it's hair washed?

A shampoodle

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