DAD JOKES
What's brown and sticky?
A stick
What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
A stick
Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel prize?
Because he was outstanding in his field
Isla, Seb and George, Godalming
What is Yoda's favourite dinosaur?
The Do-ceratops - there is no try!
Jack, Warfield
I don't want to brag, but I finished the jigsaw puzzle in a week
and it said 2 - 4 years on the box.
Mrs Munz, Godalming
What did the big tap say to the little tap?
You little squirt
What did the little tap say to the big tap?
You big drip
Why cant the skeleton go to the party?
He had no body to go with
Tilly, Elstead
On a scale of 1-10, how much do I like Harry Potter?
9 3/4
Emily, Elstead
If Mr Green lives in a green house and Mr Blue lives in a blue house and Mr red lives in a Red house, who lives in a white house? Donald Trump
Hey dad, have you seen my sunglasses?
No son, have you seen my dad glasses?
Why did the photographer quit her job?
She lost her focus
Why did the photo get arrested?
It was framed
The three unwritten rules in life: 1) 2) 3)
Erik, Ottawa, Canada
What do you call a blind dinosaur?
Do-you-think-he-saurus
What do you call a t-rex that talks and talks?
A dinoboor
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing, it just waved
Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his scrabble letters on the road. I asked him 'What's the word on the street?'.
A man walked into a bar
Ouch! It was an iron bar
Why did the duck cross the road?
To get to the idiot's house
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
The duck
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Wooden shoe
Wooden shoe who?
Wooden shoe like to hear another joke?
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Walter
Walter who?
Walter you doing, just open the door
What did one wall say to the other?
I'll meet you at the corner
Why does the ocean taste funny?
Because the sea weed
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between the two of us, something smells!
What did the nose say to the finger?
Stop picking on me
Why do you tell actors to 'break a leg'?
Because every play has a cast
Eva B, Surrey
What did one toilet say to the other toilet?
You look a bit flushed
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she will "let it go"
What kind of award did the dentist receive?
A little plaque
What can you catch but not throw?
A cold
What has hands but can't clap?
A clock
What do you call a man with a spade?
Doug
When do doctors get angry?
When they run out of patients
What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock?
Look! No hands!
What did the hat say to the scarf?
You hang around, and I’ll go on ahead
What do you call a guy lying on your doorstep?
Matt
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Because he Neverlands
I’ve decided to sell my Hoover – it was just collecting dust.
My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.