DAD JOKES
What's brown and sticky?
A stick
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What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
A stick
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Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel prize?
Because he was outstanding in his field
Isla, Seb and George, Godalming
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What is Yoda's favourite dinosaur?
The Do-ceratops - there is no try!
Jack, Warfield
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I don't want to brag, but I finished the jigsaw puzzle in a week
and it said 2 - 4 years on the box.
Mrs Munz, Godalming
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What did the big tap say to the little tap?
You little squirt
What did the little tap say to the big tap?
You big drip
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Why cant the skeleton go to the party?
He had no body to go with
Tilly, Elstead
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On a scale of 1-10, how much do I like Harry Potter?
9 3/4
Emily, Elstead
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If Mr Green lives in a green house and Mr Blue lives in a blue house and Mr red lives in a Red house, who lives in a white house? Donald Trump
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Hey dad, have you seen my sunglasses?
No son, have you seen my dad glasses?
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Why did the photographer quit her job?
She lost her focus
Why did the photo get arrested?
It was framed
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The three unwritten rules in life: 1) 2) 3)
Erik, Ottawa, Canada
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What do you call a blind dinosaur?
Do-you-think-he-saurus
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What do you call a t-rex that talks and talks?
A dinoboor
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What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing, it just waved
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Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his scrabble letters on the road. I asked him 'What's the word on the street?'.
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A man walked into a bar
Ouch! It was an iron bar
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Why did the duck cross the road?
To get to the idiot's house
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
The duck
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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Wooden shoe
Wooden shoe who?
Wooden shoe like to hear another joke?
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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Walter
Walter who?
Walter you doing, just open the door
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What did one wall say to the other?
I'll meet you at the corner
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Why does the ocean taste funny?
Because the sea weed
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What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between the two of us, something smells!
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What did the nose say to the finger?
Stop picking on me
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Why do you tell actors to 'break a leg'?
Because every play has a cast
Eva B, Surrey
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What did one toilet say to the other toilet?
You look a bit flushed
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Why can't you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she will "let it go"
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What kind of award did the dentist receive?
A little plaque
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What can you catch but not throw?
A cold
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What has hands but can't clap?
A clock
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What do you call a man with a spade?
Doug
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When do doctors get angry?
When they run out of patients
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What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock?
Look! No hands!
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What did the hat say to the scarf?
You hang around, and I’ll go on ahead
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What do you call a guy lying on your doorstep?
Matt
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Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Because he Neverlands
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I’ve decided to sell my Hoover – it was just collecting dust.
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My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
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